


The New Intern

by QuantumButterfly



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Gen, Workplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 01:04:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2794127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuantumButterfly/pseuds/QuantumButterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leslie is very excited when Chris suggests hiring a new summer intern - until that intern turns out to be her old nemesis. Has he really changed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The New Intern

**Author's Note:**

  * For [minnaleigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnaleigh/gifts).



> I took some liberties with the timeline - this is around season 4-5.

Ron had just begun to relax at his desk with the morning’s second cup of coffee when Chris bounced in. Not even bothering to hide his irritation at the man who seemed to think he was a puppy, Ron took a deep drink before addressing him. “Can I help you?”

Chris smiled broadly. “Ron Swanson! Good morning! I have a wonderful idea”. Of course he did. That’s why he’d been hired, after all. Ron groaned and wished very hard for Chris to leave his office. Alas, this wish was destined to remain unfulfilled until the man had said his piece.

“Summer’s coming! Do you know what that means?” The grin spreading across Chris’s face could be called infectious, if one were inclined to be affected by that type of thing. “Dozens of college students are coming back to Pawnee. Won’t they be thrilled to have the opportunity to spend their time working for the government?”

“You want us to hire an intern. No.” Ron slowly began to swivel his chair away.

Chris was having nothing of it. “Ron, look at how well the last one turned out!”

Ron followed Chris’s gaze into the main office, where April sat at a table sullenly turning the pages of what appeared to be an issue of Guns & Ammo. He made a mental note to borrow that later.

Just then, his door burst open again, and Ron had even more reason to be thankful for the headache-fighting properties of caffeine.

“Ron! Just the man I was looking for! Did Chris tell you about the new summer intern program?” Leslie smiled radiantly. “You know, this kind of opportunity helps build the government workers of the future. I’ve been doing some reading, and people who become engaged in local government as young adults are 317% more likely to stay involved in politics as they grow older.”

Ron just gazed at her wearily.

Not even faltering, Leslie continued, “This is our chance to make a difference not just now, but for the future. Of course, I’ll take full charge of the selection process, and make the intern my own personal protégé.”

Chris was beaming at Leslie. Ron had often thought they had a lot in common – their worst qualities, mostly.

“Fine,” Ron grunted. “Get out of my office.”

 

 

Two weeks later, the employees of the Parks and Recreation department gathered in the conference room at Leslie’s command. Donna was the first to flip open the donut box with her perfectly manicured hands. “Bavarian cream? Really? I can’t Instagram something so sad.” She settled into one of the surprisingly comfortable chairs, donutless.

Joining her, Tom gaped at the subpar selection. “Not a single raspberry jelly in here? Who ordered these? How am I supposed to work without my jelly donut?”

All eyes turned to Jerry, who sat at the far end of the table slumped over the morning paper’s crossword. “I asked for an assortment,” he mumbled. Not bothering to attempt to defend himself further, he focused his attention back on the paper.

Fortunately, everyone was quickly distracted by Leslie’s entrance. She smiled brightly as she swept into the room and deposited a stack of binders on the table. “Good morning, everyone! We’ve got an exciting task today. Everyone ready to get to work?” She was undaunted by the lack of enthusiastic agreement and began passing the binders around the table. “In here, you’ll find all of our intern candidate applications. We can only choose one, so think carefully about who can really add something special to our department.” As she seated herself at the head of the table, she noticed the donut box. “Ooh, Bavarian cream? Pass me one of those bad boys.”

April obliged while the others began flipping through their binders.

“Avery Manning. Cheerleader, majoring in fashion design. She even included a picture. Looks good to me.” Tom snapped his binder closed and stood up. “That was easy.”

“Not so fast, Tom,” Leslie admonished. “We need to give every candidate our thorough consideration.”

Tom sat back down, looking displeased. “Who can we find that’s better than her? She’s a cheerleader!”

April flipped through the pages of her binder until she found the person Tom was talking about. “Says here she has a 1.4 grade point average. That’s almost passing, right?”

Leslie shook her head and sighed. “People, we need someone who is excited about government, someone with ambition, someone who just might serve on the city council under Mayor Leslie Knope someday.” Her eyes glazed over a bit as she gazed into the hoped-for future, imagining a Pawnee flourishing under her guidance. With a little shake of the head, she brought herself back to the present. “Now, come on, who else do we have?”

Jerry spoke up. “This Bret Chamberlain kid sounds pretty interesting.”

“Eww, no. Shut up, Jerry.”

Everyone nodded their agreement with April’s remark. She kept flipping the pages until she found one that made her sit up almost straight. “OK, this guy is majoring in Political Science, has a 3.8, and says his future ambition is to be Governor of Indiana.”

The look that spread across Leslie’s face could best be described as awed bliss. “That’s it, that’s our new intern. Everyone agree?”

The group all nodded their assent, glancing at watches in the hope that this meeting would soon be over.

“Great! Good job, people! So what’s his name?”

Donna briefly glanced up from her phone as if she was actually interested in the discussion. “Greg Pikitis.”

The smile fell from Leslie’s face, giving way to a hurt kind of shock. “No! No, absolutely not. Maybe we should look at that Avery girl again, she sounded nice.” Desperation was creeping into her voice.

“Too late, we voted and you agreed.” Tom managed to hide his smirk as he sidled out of the room, followed by April and Donna.

Jerry stopped on his way out the door to pat Leslie on the arm. “Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be fine.”

Shaking off his hand, Leslie turned a furious glare on her hapless co-worker. “Shut up, Jerry!”

 

 

Having bent the sympathetic but ultimately unmoved ears of both Ron and Chris, Leslie resigned herself to her terrible fate. And by resigned, I mean she met up with Ann for depression waffles. Even the golden battery crispness of the waffles and the towering fresh whipped cream did little to console her. “Pikitis!” She lamented. “How could they do this to me?” Leslie poked at her waffles in a lackluster way.

Ann had barely been able to understand the torrent of words Leslie had spilled out when she first arrives, but that name tugged at her memory. "You mean, that kid who used to pull pranks that you could never catch? "

"Yes, that little twerp. Honestly, who even lets someone like that into a college that doesn't have bars on the windows?" 

"Um... I don't think any colleges - never mind." Shaking her head, Ann tried to sound more cheerful. “Maybe he’s changed. It has been a few years. Maybe you should try to keep an open mind.”

Leslie just sadly shook her head and took another bite of a little bit of waffle and a lot of whipped cream.

 

 

As she walked in to City Hall the following Monday, Leslie tried to hold on to Ann’s advice. “This can’t be that bad,” she muttered to herself as she reached the door of the Parks and Rec department. For the first time in her career, she hesitated before stepping into the office, reaching for the wall as she gulped in air, trying to calm her racing heart.

“Are you OK, Ms. Knope?”

Eyes closed, Leslie didn’t recognize the voice of the man who suddenly appeared at her side, taking her arm gently and guiding her to a chair. She bent over and gave into her sudden need to hyperventilate.

“Would some water help? I can go get you some.” Whoever he was, he seemed concerned but calm.

Leslie shook her head, and after a minute or so calmed herself enough to sit up. “Thank you,” she gasped, before opening her eyes. What, or rather, who, she saw before her nearly sent her into another panic. “Pikitis!”

The young man smiled shyly and gave a little shrug. “I think you’ve known me long enough to call me Greg.” He straightened his tie in a self-conscious gesture. “Donna already gave me the tour, but she said I should wait for you to give me my assignments.”

Rallying herself, Leslie managed a tight smile. “Of course. I was actually thinking that we could really use a park usage survey. I’ll need you to spend an entire day, maybe more, in each park, tracking visitors and which activities they partake in. Do you think you can do that?” Ben had helped her come up with this plan, to keep Pikitis occupied as far away from her as possible.

“Sure thing, Ms. Knope! Where should I go first?”

 

 

The next three weeks flew by peacefully, with only the usual problems cropping up. Leslie had almost forgotten Greg Pikitis entirely until he called requesting a meeting.

Deciding that Chris might have a point sometimes, she spent the hour before the meeting trying to meditate. This effort may have been more successful if Andy wasn’t “questioning” everyone in relation to Burt Macklin’s latest “case” (she never did figure out what that was all about). Still, she was reasonably calm as she waited in the conference room for her nemesis to arrive.

Pikitis showed up right on time, casually dressed and with a thick bandage enveloping one hand.

“Oh my god, what happened?”

“Nothing much. Accidentally disturbed a raccoon nest.” He smiled and handed Leslie a thick folder. “I’ve finished your park usage report.”

Leslie took it. “Have a seat,” she murmured absently as she began to flip through the pages of spreadsheets and charts. “This is … really impressive, actually.”

“Thanks.” His blushing shy smile made him look even younger than he was. “So, I think I have a good idea of how the parks work, maybe I could spend some time in the office, see how that part functions?”

Leslie tried to fight down her feelings of panic and dread. “I just remembered – Ron needed me for … um, something. Something important. Just wait here, I’ll be right back,” she called as she dashed out the door.

 

“Ron, I need your help!” She raced into his office, breathless and wild-eyed.

Ron, implacable as usual, swiveled his chair around to face her. “Is this a personal problem?” he inquired, in a tone that indicated he would much prefer not to hear about it if it was.

“No, it’s Greg Pikitis.” Leslie paused a moment, fully aware of how silly she sounded. “He wants to work in the office, but I just don’t trust him to not sabotage us."

The reaction to her outburst was nothing more than “Um-hum.”

“You think I’m being paranoid.”

He shrugged. “Maybe a bit. The boy’s been working here for weeks and he hasn’t done anything wrong. I hear from the guys in animal control that he’s even been somewhat useful.”

Leslie’s shoulders slumped. If even Ron couldn’t understand…

“But Leslie- Leslie, look at me.” Ron’s voice took on a stern edge. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Send him off to monitor the summer classes, that’ll keep him out of your hair.”

A look of desperate hope leapt into Leslie’s eyes, only to quickly dim. “He’ll figure it out. He’ll figure it out, and tell Chris, and probably retaliate in some horrible way -”

Ron interrupted. “Did Margaret Thatcher back down against the Scottish miners?”

“Well, Ron, I don’t think that’s the best ex-“

“Did the suffragettes bow down before Woodrow Wilson? Or did they fight?” Ron gazed steadily at Leslie, letting his words sink in. He sighed lightly. “Leslie, you’re the strongest woman I know, and I’ll be damned if you let some little boy beat you. Now go in there and be the boss.”

Leslie stiffened her spine, chin lifting in determination. “Yes, you’re absolutely right. Thank you, Ron.”

 

 

The rest of the summer passed calmly. Greg Pikitis stopped in at the office once a week to deliver a report – always meticulously detailed – on his observations of the various programs offered by the department. Leslie always surreptitiously checked to make sure nothing was missing after he left, but nothing ever was. Her checks for booby-traps were similarly fruitless.

The final day of his internship was the one she was dreading most, assuming as she was that he had spent the entire summer lulling her into complacency so as to unleash some spectacular act of hooliganism. Finally the day came, and Leslie was stunned to enter the conference room and find all of the employees of the department gathered around a large cake. Greg Pikitis sat at the head of the table, looking like a child (albeit a well-tanned child) in the same suit and tie he’d worn on the first day.

Donna was leaning against the far wall, squinting at the phone she held at arms-length. “Hold still, I want this picture to be good.”

“What is going on here?” Leslie tried to keep her voice neutral.

Tom was quick to answer. “We’re celebrating our boy, here. He did all of our work for the past month and never even complained.”

“He should have complained about the raccoon. That looks gross.” April’s observation was accurate; the bite on Greg’s hand had apparently never healed and was now swaddled in layers of bandages as large as his head 

“OK, everyone out. Jerry, call an ambulance. No, you’ll screw it up. April, call an ambulance.” Leslie knelt by the side of the young man. “Why did you let this happen?”

“I had to do a good job, had to make it up to you, Ms. Knope.”

Overcome with guilt, Leslie insisted on following the ambulance to the hospital. She left Greg in the capable hands of the emergency room doctors, and found a seat on a hallway bench. Ann Perkins passed by, and seeing her best friend looking upset, stopped to talk with her.

“I heard what happened. They say he should be OK, though they still haven't finished cutting the bandages off.”

Leslie was slumped over a large Sweetums soda. “I should have listened. I should have listened to everyone who told me to trust him.” She slurped the dregs of her drink through her straw.

Ann frowned. “You had reason not to trust him. Besides, what idiot is so dedicated to their summer job that they ignore a raging infection?”

Leslie smiled just a bit and gratefully accepted Ann's offered hug.

 

 

 

The next morning turned out to be a beautiful day in Pawnee, the sun shining brightly on Leslie’s golden curls as she fairly leapt up the steps of City Hall. She smiled at everyone she passed in the halls, and flung open the door to the Parks and Rec department with a flourish. “Good morning, every- Oh, crap.”

Donna and Tom stood helplessly in the middle of the room. Standing was their only option, because every desk, chair, and table in the office had been painted bright orange and nailed to the ceiling. Even the filing cabinets had been nailed up there, but not before their contents were strewn all over the floor.

Leslie gaped for a moment before she raised her fist to the sky and bellowed a single word. “Pikitis!”


End file.
